literature

Snowball's Chance

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This fic has some very friendly: LietPol, PruCan, GerIta, DenAme, and Russia.

This was it, Poland’s last loaded round ready to fire.  He would have to make this shot count, hit his mark just right.  If not, he would have to reload and who knew how long that could take with Lithuania helping him.  Not that he was that ungrateful for the help, he was proud to have the man by his side for this battle but he was slow at this.  By the time he finished, the enemy would be upon them and they would be toast.  No, Poland wanted to win this battle and for that matter the war he now found himself unexpectedly in.  This round had to count, he took a deep breath and stood up, his whole torso now vulnerable sticking out of the trench.  

The snow was blowing fairly hard again, making it difficult for Poland to see but he knew his target was just beyond the small embankment in front of him.  Poland laughed, his adversary was no doubt taking aim at him now as well.  Wind whipped around his ears, roaring through his head.  The only other noise he could here was Lithuania begging him to crouch back down before he got himself murdered.  The other nation’s voice was full of fear but Poland wasn’t worried.  He was positive he could take out his target with this strike.  Slowly, he brought his weapon of choice up to get ready to fire.  Once more time he took a deep breath and exhaled, the swirling hot breath fogging up his already poor vision briefly before being blown away.  This was it, he drew back and fired.

Poland never saw the hit coming.

An odd stinging sensation radiated across Poland’s chest as he fell back into the trench, landing hard on his back.  The impact knocked his breath away in another puff of fog.  Poland groaned in pain, feeling something wet spread across his chest.  He had been hit square in the chest, dead center.  Shakily he reached up and clutched the spot in pain.  He felt his body begin to get colder and he closed his eyes.  He could tell Lithuania kneeled down beside him, felling him place gentle hands on both his shoulders.

“Pol?...” He asked tenderly.  Poland heard the small quiver in his voice.
“Yes Lithy?”  he whispered back quietly, expecting the other nation to fall into a fit of sobs at his downfall.  Instead, Lithuania began shaking his shoulders roughly.
“Get up you oaf! You started this fight, you are having to finish it!” He yelled.  Poland snapped his eyes open and jumped up, brushing the wad of snow from his chest hastily.
“Of course, I am, like, knowing that! Lithy, come on we are needing more of the ammo!” he said bending down to set to work on a new round of snowballs.  Lithuania sighed, but smiled and joined him.  

It had all started innocently enough, Poland had been bored.  All the nations were snowed in at the conference center by a blizzard a few days before the meetings were scheduled to end.  They were all supposed to have gone on winter vacation after this session so everyone was fairly grumpy about being delayed.  For days it snowed without end, piling the powder high against the windows.  Some of them enjoyed the weather and took full advantage of being cooped up, others wanted it to be over.  At the very first break in the weather, a large number of them had quickly donned all the winter cloths they had brought with them and rushed outside.  Many of them eager to get some fresh air and be out of the stuffy conference center.  

One of Poland’s favorite pastimes was bullying poor Lithuania so he had made some snowballs and started pelting them at his friend.  Before he knew it, he had gotten carried away and sloppy, throwing one that went wildly off course.  Into the back of Germany’s head. It had made Germany incredible angry but Italy thought it looked quite fun and had in turn lobbed one at England.  Like Germany before him, it made the Brit extremely mad, his face swelling and growing red with frustration.  France had laughed at him, that earned him a face full of snow.  Poland chuckled as he placed another snowball onto his growing pile, the situation had snowballed in its own right into an all-out war.  Some of the smaller nations had retreated back inside to watch from afar with the tropical countries that hadn’t even dared come out side.  Poland had inadvertently started an epic fight, one he hopped to win.  

Those who had stayed quickly formed teams and for the most part were in pairs.  Germany and Italy had built a small fort in a matter of moments and were hiding out inside. France and England were in the trench directly across from Poland and Lithuania, in fact Poland was sure it was England who had lobbed the snowball that hit him.  America and Denmark were in a hole they had dug, laughing at the top of their lungs while throwing out snowballs at random times, with no particular aim intended.  Unfortunately, Poland thought as he glanced around the battlefield, Russia, Belarus and Ukraine had become a team.  That was causing Poland a bit of concern, they would be hard to beat.  Finally, there was Prussia, crouching behind an igloo type structure with some blond headed nation Poland didn’t recognize.  He wasn’t worried about them at the moment, they would be easy to beat.  

The best strategy at this point was to take them out one by one, starting with the weakest.  Poland’s first target, France and England.

Even though England had just struck him a blow, he still considered them a fairly weak team.  That’s why they were first on his list, easy to take out.  The snow had let up a little so he could at least now see, England had his hands on his hips laughing triumphantly, France feverishly working on more snowballs.  First step, destroy the ammo supply and supplier, Poland thought evilly.  France made such and perfect target, England would be crippled without him.  Poland would prey on the vulnerability and attack.  

He motioned for Lithuania to hand him a few of the snowballs and then stared out at his opponent.  
“Lithy, you take out the supply first.  Then I’ll like attack Francey while he’s all distracted.”  Poland said. Lithuania nodded.  
“Right Pol.” He said.  Poland gave him a huge grin.
“Then I, like, BAM! Am I right?” He asked somewhat incoherently, but Lithuania just nodded all the same.  He knew  exactly what Poland meant, that was why they had paired themselves together.  They had a mutual understanding.  

Poland gave the signal and Lithuania threw three balls in rapid fire.  They made quick work of France’s pyramid, toppling it over turning it into just another pile of snow.  He looked up in horror.  
“Mon Dieu! Angleterre, we are-!“ he started to say but was cut off by five snowballs to the head, chest and abdomen.   He fell back, landing face down in the snow, lying completely still.  Poland had knocked him out.  Poland laughed as he watched England fly down to make more ammunition as quick as he could.
“Too slow Iggski.” He mumbled quietly.  Both he and Lithuania threw balls in rapid fire, smashing England all over his body.  He twirled and landed still on top of France.  

One down, four to go Poland thought happily.  The next was Germany and Italy, easy targets.  

The pair made their way over to the fort quietly, Lithuania carrying an arm full of snowballs behind him.  This was going to be easy, Germany was too distracted to mind Italy while he was making special ammunition.   Poland could see that his were smaller, meaning they would travel faster and hit harder.  He gulped, no he definitely did not want to be hit by one of those.  He would have to take them out before he had a chance to even try.   Luckily, he had the perfect plan already in mind.  Lure Italy out, capture him and take advantage of when Germany came to his rescue, as he always did without fail.  Nodding at Lithuania, he threw the bait over to where Italy was drawing pictures in the snow.  He heard him gasp in surprise and then become delighted.

“What is this? Veh! Ita looks a like candy! I love candy! Yay!” He cried. Poland saw him lunge for it but he pulled the string attached to his bait so that Italy had to follow it out of the fort.  Before Germany even had a chance to look up and stop him, Lithuania had grabbed him and was holding him hostage.
“I am sorry Mr. Italy, but this is war.” Lithuania said, pinning his arms at his side.  Poland laughed as he raised a snowball to fire at the now defenseless Italian.  The man started sobbing and flinching away.
“No! Pleasea don’t hurt me! I-I have relatives in Warsaw! GERMANY! Savea me!” He screamed out.  Right on cue, Germany came flying out of the fort, in his hand three little balls ready to fire.  He glared at Poland who only smirked back.
“Like, gotcha Germy.”  He said.  Lithuania let go of Italy and pushed him over to stand next to Germany.  They threw everything they had at the pair, knocking them quickly out like they had done France and England.  Poland went and stood over a groaning Germany, giggling.  

Two down, three to go.  The next pair would be a little more difficult, but still relatively easy Poland thought as he made his way over to the hole Denmark and America were hiding in.

Poland took a few moments to survey the scene.  He couldn’t get close to the hole because they were firing out of the top at random, little bursts of snow speckling the ground constantly.  That’s what made them difficult, it couldn’t be a direct attack and he couldn’t lure them out of the hole.  But, he did notice is that the brainless duo had situated themselves underneath a large, heavily snow laden tree.  That would work, he thought.  He motioned Lithuania to come over and they quickly worked out a plan.  Lithuania almost looked shocked when Poland described what he wanted to do.  It was true that sometimes he was abysmal at war strategy, but he had his fair share of great ideas too.  

On Poland’s mark, Lithuania was off dashing across the more or less mine field of snow bombs.   Using Lithy’s agility and speed to his advantage, Poland watched as he raced over not getting hit once.  America and Denmark continued to laugh as they threw out the snow.  He kind of felt bad for what was about to happen, but then this was war.   Lithuania was doing his part perfectly, making it over to the tree in no time.  This go around it was all Lithuania, Poland didn’t have a part to play.   Not that he minded, he may be cruel and hurtful towards Lithuania most of the time but there were other times he liked very much when Lithuania took the spot light.  

In a flash, Lithuania had himself up in the tree standing on one of the branches heaviest with snow.  It was directly over the hole and Poland heard him laugh just a little before he jumped up and down on the branch.  An avalanche of snow cascaded into the hole, covering the two inside completely.   Poland sauntered over the now filled hole and laughed himself as two heads popped out of the snow, complete shock on their faces.  Lithuania came out of the tree to stand beside Poland.  Shaking his head, America stared up at them.

“Dude, that was cold.” He said, wiggling trying to free himself from the impacted messed.  Poland smiled.
“I know right!” He exclaimed, leaving them to work out how to get out of the hole.  He threw his arms around Lithuania’s shoulders as they began to work their way over to the last weak pair.  Prussia and the blond, they would be no problem.  

“Three down, two to go Lithy! We are so like, winn-“ He started to say, but was cut off by a huge snowball exploding in front of them.  He jumped back and looked over to where it had come from.  Russia stood there, without cover, just him in the middle of the field with Belarus and Ukraine standing on either side.  He smiled at Poland.

“You are to be fighting us next da?” He grinned.  Poland felt the color drain from his face, no they were supposed to be last.  They were the hardest team, they had to go last.  To his surprise, Lithuania rolled a snowball and launched it at Russia, a determined look on his face.  All hell broke loose from that point on.
 
Twenty long minutes later, Poland was breathing heavily beside a worn Lithuania.  The only one left standing was Russia, the fight hadn’t seemed to affect him at all, even though he had now lost both his backups.  It had been Lithuania’s task to take out Belarus, using her very small crush on him against her.  While she wanted her big brother Russia in the creepiest of ways, she had always had a fondness for Lithy, Poland thought.  It was disturbing and would have freaked Poland out, but Lithuania liked the attention.  He would never go for her, and Poland knew that for certain, but Lithy was always telling him how nice it was that she gave him kindness.  It had been great the way Lithuania got close to her, very close.  Seducing her into a false sense of security, Poland was amazed, he rarely got to see that side to his best friend and he loved it.  Lithuania then surprised her, twisting her around and forcing her to fall down an embankment.  She wasn’t hurt at all, but she couldn’t seem to climb back up against the ice coating the hill.  Brilliant, Poland had thought.

His own job was taking out Ukraine.  He had expected it to be fairly simple, she was such a whiney cry baby she couldn’t possibly hold her own on the battlefield.  That had been a slight miscalculation on Poland’s part. She was amazingly good at stealth, sneaking up on him a number of times.  There had been several close calls to where he thought he was out for count, but he managed to scrap by.  By the end, he was good at predicting her moves and the last time she went to attack, he made his strike.  Side stepping her frontal rush attack he had gotten himself behind her, which he knew was her weakest point, her back.  Taking an abnormally large snowball, he chucked it at the small of her back, making her collapse face first into the snow.  Now, it was just Russia and Poland had had an idea.  

Quickly filling Lithuania in on his plan, they set to work,  both of them running unnoticed by Russia to opposite sides of the battlefield.  They would have to work swiftly for this too work, Russia needed to stay clueless until the very end.  Poland built his weapon in no time and glanced over to see Lithunia had completed his as well.  Good, they could win this Poland thought.  Once again, on his signal, they both jumped up running at Russia with giant snowballs in their arms.  He had no time to react, or even trying to counter, they smashed into his sides sandwiching him in-between the snow.  Poland laughed as he collapsed to the ground, defeated in a pile of snow. He couldn’t believe that had worked, he had won against Russia! He was very happy but not quite as happy as Lithuania was.  He jumped up for joy.

“Become one with the snow mothersucka!” He cried. Poland blinked at him.
“Lithy, are you ok?” He asked, slightly concerned for his usually very quiet friend. Lithuania blushed, rubbing his neck in embarrassment.
“Yes Pol, I’m supposing the excitement got the best of me yes?” He said. Poland smiled and turned  towards the last opponent.  It was good to see Lithuania having so much fun.  

Four down, one to go and Poland wasn’t even sure they were worth fighting.  The war was practically his.  This last team would be the easiest, Prussia and the blond. Who was that anyway, Poland thought?
 
Poland’s new target was Prussia, Lithy could take on the blond.  That would be good, the man seemed to be provided cover for Prussia as they advanced on them.  Lithy would distract him and Poland would take down the Awesome Prussia.  It would be simple and Poland would be the victor, finally showing the other nations that he wasn’t a joke.  He was just as powerful and brilliant as they could be, even in a play war.  He laughed as he imagined the stunned look on Prussia’s face when he best him, he wouldn’t be so awesome then.  Poland motioned for Lithy to go around the side of the igloo to draw whoever away.  

With the other man now distracted, Poland began to fire at Prussia.  Surprisingly, he was just as good if not better at this then Poland thought he would be.  Poland had to duck as one came zooming towards his head.  He had to get Prussia away from the igloo and out in the open, he could take his shot then.  The snow was blowing harder and he came up with the perfect idea.

“Hey Prussia! Like, you’re so unawesome you can’t find me out here!” he called. A snowball came whizzing past his side, he didn’t even have to side step it. “You, like, missed Prussia. Come on out here and get me!” Poland yelled.  He heard a yell and saw a shadow come out from around the igloo. Perfect.
 
He did it on purpose, staying just out of Prussia’s vision, throwing snowballs at the man.  Poland laughed, he was getting quickly frustrated with the enemy he couldn’t see.  For a brief moment, Poland glance over to Lithy only to find he had yet to bring down the blond.  It was amazing to watch whoever move through the snow, so smooth and effective with his motions.  That was certainly interesting, the blond knew his way around a snowball fight.  Honestly Poland hadn’t expected much from him.  He nodded, they were getting closer to him and Prussia.  If he came back to provide backup, Poland might have a bit more to worry about.  Still, he was positive both him and Lithy could wipe him out.  Poland just had to finish Prussia off first.  

Quickly, he moved so that he was right in front of Prussia, ready to fire an armful.  Prussia looked shocked.  He took a step back dumfounded.
“That’s unawesome! Und unfair! You can’t do zhat!” He yelled.  Poland smirked.  
“Poland rule, meaning I can do whatever I want!” He screamed.  Prussia didn’t even have the chance to take cover.  

Without any kind of mercy, Poland let Prussia have it.  Pelting him, head abdomen, chest it didn’t matter where he hit, as long as the ball connected with his body.  Poland put all his muscle behind it, he wanted to make sure Prussia couldn’t get up from this.  This was it, the war was won and it was his! Who knew beating the crapski out of his friends could be so fun he thought as he threw a few more at Prussia.  

The poor defeated ex-nation failed as the snowballs hit, one after another,  Poland advancing on him until he fell hard to the ground. He was breathing heavily and wincing in pain, closing his eyes.  Poland started to laugh until he heard a strangled cry of worry from near Lithuania.

“Prussia! No!” The blond screamed. Running over, falling to his knees beside Prussia, picking him up to cradle in his arms.  Lithuania wandered over to watch the scene, with a stunned Poland.  Prussia weakly grabbed the blonds hand.
“It’s up to you now Birdie, you know what you have to do.” He said, Poland saw the blonds eye’s grow wide with concern.
“I-I can’t Bear, you have to get up! You have to help me!” He cried, drawing Prussia closer to him. Wow, Poland thought, overdramatic displays were kind of annoying.  He threw a glance over to Lithy who looked just as confused.  Prussia reached up and touched the other man’s face gently.
“You can do this,” He said handing him a snowball with his free hand, “Do it for zhe awesome me. Don’t let me go down in vein Birdie.” He said before closing his eyes, falling silent.
“Prussia?”  The man asked tenderly. No response.  Poland began laughing.  
“We won Lithy!” He exclaimed throwing his arms up in victory.  He started dancing around.  He did it, he had triumphant over everyone.  He had even taken down Russia and the awesome Prussia. Who was awesome now he thought happily.  Suddenly, Lithuania grabbed his arm with fear.
“Uh, Pol, I think we may be having a problem.” He said pointing to where Prussia lay on the ground.  What Poland saw shocked him.

The blond nation, who struck Poland as being very quiet and reserved had begun shaking.  Shaking fairly hard, in fact he had begun trembling.  Poland watched as he stood up slowly, the fist without the snowball clenched tightly. With his back still turned he stomped over to where he had amassed a piled of ammunition.  Poland was curious, what was going on.  The other nations though, they seemed to know very well.  They seemed almost scared as Poland glanced around.  

“No, Poland you must run mon ami!” France yelled, being helped up by England, they ran back to their trench and ducked down.
“Mein Gott…what have you done?” Germany said in awe.  He grabbed Italy and ran back into his fort, Poland could have sworn he saw him tremble.  
“Ah hell yea, here comes the fun twin.  Your ass is his Polski, kiss it goodbye!” America laughed at the top of his lungs, having gotten himself free and was working to free Denmark.  Twin?  America didn’t have a twin, did he?  Poland was highly confused.
“Lithy, like, who is that?” Poland asked to the man hiding behind him, even he seemed to know who it was.  It wasn’t Lithuania who answered however.
“I’M CANADA!” The blond finally screamed, turning around with an armful.  He didn’t hesitate not even for a moment, and began brutally whipping the snow at Poland and Lithuania.  

First, Lithuania fell, it hadn’t taken much.  A few snow balls to his abdomen and one final blow to his head and Poland watched Lithuania collapse to the ground.  He tried his best, while being pelted Poland quickly made one to throw and managed to get it fired but it didn’t affect Canada.  As Poland looked into his eyes, he saw almost like a trance state.  One after another, the hard compacted snow hit his body, had he not known better he would said some of them were pure ice.  They stung and he couldn’t take anymore, with one more strike to his chest he fell beside Lithuania.  

Poland laid there, feeling the pain etch across his body.  What in the world had that been?  He groaned, that’s right he did remember.  America did have a twin and while usually he faded into the background, if he got extremely angry he would snap.  Everybody knew who he was when he did that.  Snapped Canada wasn’t easily forgotten, except by Poland apparently he thought.  He rolled over on to his back and found a shadow stretching over him.  He closed his eyes, oh no Canada had come to really finish him off.  To his surprise, he heard laughter.

“Ksesese, get up Poland. War is over, mein Birdie won.  Isn’t he almost as awesome as me?” Poland heard Prussia say.  He opened his eyes to find a more pleasant Canada smiling down at him, with Prussia leaning against his side.  Canada laughed and held his hand out to Poland.

“Come on, I’ll make us all some maple hot coco eh.” He said. This earned a cheer from Prussia and Poland smiled.  He grabbed Canada’s hand, was yanked up and leaned against him as well.  Slowly, the made their way back to the conference center, ready to be out of the cold wet clothes and drinking wonderful hot chocolate.
This is a gift for :iconzupakid:!

She wanted a friendly fic with Poland and Canada, something with a holiday theme. Well, I guess it doesn't have a specific holiday theme, but it's a wintery theme! Still, had a ton of fun writing this.

So I have a headcanon that when Canada snaps, all the nations can see and recognize him at that point. Poland can't because he's generally clueless. But I love the big oaf :D
And we all know the blooper with Lithuania and his shield XD had to do a play on that. It fit too well not to do!

The title is a play off one of my fave sayings, "You don't have a snowball's chance in hell!" Lol, I though it appropriate.

Enjoy! ^^
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